Making a request and asking for what we want is often a big deal for any of us. Have you ever had that moment when you have too much to do already and then your boss asks you to do one more thing? Then you do the only reasonable thing there is to do and go complain to your colleague about it that evening at happy hour? Hey, we’ve all been there and underlying it is an age-old problem. That problem is the ability to ask for what we want or better yet, being able to make a request. See, the good news is that there is an alternative to managing life not showing up the way we would like it too. But, what stops us from making a request in the first place? It seems so simple doesn’t it?
The matter here is multi-factorial but some of it underlies a few basic concepts:
-By not making a direct request, we get to play the “victim” just a little bit and we get a lot of great things from that, like sympathy.
-We also don’t have to face our vulnerability of making a request and being told no. This is a bigger deal than most of us realize.
-And sometimes, we might not know exactly what it is that we do want.
-Lastly, we might just get it. I know, this one seems crazy but really, once we make a request we might just get it and then, our lives might be totally different. Also, we just might not have anything to complain about anymore. What will we do with all of that energy?
If you want to hear an amazing story of this skill in action, listen to Amanda Palmer share her wisdom in this amazing Ted Talk.
Making a request is a skill like many other things in life and we have to build the habit. Recognizing that underneath our many complaints there is often and unmet need or something that we would like to be different than it is. And this requires the master skill of not just talking about what we want in some future time and place but instead, making a request right now. And, you and the boss may just have a better relationship because of it.